It Hurts to Be This Sexy
	2004-05-03 | 3:57 p.m. My big fat drag high
	I am listening to the Smiths at the dog house instead of thesising. Tra la, I say, where tra la is equivalent to "fuck it." Only not really. I'm just not in the mood right now, and I can't fight it just yet. This weekend was amazing and good and a little heart achey all at once. I imagine that %%diary-bevin%% will have a bit to say as well. You should lookie there too. The Great Big was amazing. I am still on a Drag High. We had a couple of issues with money and authority that actually really helped reinforce everything I've been studying and writing about utopia lately. It's always the places that established power structures intersect with the collective ideology that the problems of collectivity really become apparent. You can't (easily) escape the way that money makes you think and (actually) organizes your life. The collective structure assumes that you can, which is why collectives often start out ok but end up limping along with two or three individuals trying to keep them up. Anyway. In terms of thought process, we were generally together and great. The number had problems but looked good, and we got quite a few compliments on the skit that we did. It's really exciting to see that other people want to hear a message with their drag, and to meet people who are doing meaningful things on stage as well. I also got to see Baltimore Friend from back home, which was really excellent. We hugged and danced and dragged and had a supportive old time. I chilled with Bevin and Haywood as well, and got to see Dimples (from way back in the festie days) and meet Drew, the ex of perineumgirl (who writes in the livejournals now). Meeting people? It's a good thing. As some of you may remember, several plots were put into action to figure out what my relationship is with Drag Crush. Bevin and Haywood kept their eyes open and reported back favorably, but in the end I decided not to try the fake drunk approach. We were quite touchy all weekend, and we shared our share of giggles and semi-clothedness in a comfy double bed. But in the end, I felt like Drag Crush does not, in fact, want to be anything but my really good drag friend. He's also expressing an interest in hooking up with another dragster. It's a sex hookup thing, but it made me a lot sadder than it should have, mostly because I'm having the "I am an amazing person, so why don't you like me" issues that tend to plague my unrequited lovenesses. So I didn't ever tell her how I felt, and plan on waiting a little while longer. I've been getting the let go advice, and don't feel ready to follow it yet, primarily because I think the staying power could make a difference here. Is it terrible that I think we get closer every time we hang out, and that I like that? I don't think so. And I recognize that while I'd like sexual play with Drag Crush, I'd really like something more than that too, and I'm not going to throw anything away just yet. A tactile pack rat to the very ends, I tell you. In any case, I am in love with my drag squad. They make me feel like I am an integral part of a beautiful and flourishing community. I realize it will only be like this for a moment, and that all the goodness will eventually either pass on or change into something different, so I am enjoying it while it's here. Oh, and I cannot wait for IDKE. Drag makes my heart go pingy ping. **High Steps** The weather that ROARED - 2005-03-01 Enabler's Rag - 2005-02-15 Where in the world? - 2005-01-14 Where have all the rude boys gone? - 2005-01-04 quickly - 2004-11-21 <-- - -->	Last Next Newest Older Rings Pictures Links Profile Guestbook Email me Notes Diaryland Hate is Great

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