It Hurts to Be This Sexy
	2004-08-20 | 5:31 p.m. Up and Away
	Back from MichFest. There was drama that began as issues, and it all started with a Shmohawk. Can I even handle rehashing it? The long and short of it is that I've totally re-fallen for her, and am batting around the idea of being her long distance girlfriend. The main problem with that (aside from our messy history) is that I'm poly and she's not. I can't be in any kind of relationship (let alone a long distance one) where I'm not allowed to at least kiss other people. I've spelled it out for her, but her email is fucked up so I haven't heard back. If I don't hear back, I'm taking it as a sign that girlfriendadge is a bad idea. But wait, there's more. I met this girl who totally likes me (she said I was beautiful, people. Nobody ever says I'm beautiful). But I don't really dig her, at least not like that. Why do I keep finding the wrong people? Where are the right people? I have begun to believe they all live on the West coast, and that I'm wasting my time in NY. Hm. Whatever. The fun stuff. I totally met the creator of Hothead Paisan (she's my friend's partner), and she's super cool and nice and low key and great. I made lots of new friends, several of whom are kinky and poly and full of potential good conversations or good playtime. I have a huge bite mark bruise on my arm, and I am not so secretly in love with it. It's turning really really pretty colors. I stripped for money, and got lots of compliments from various people whose opinions I respect. I love taking my clothes off, so it's just bonus when I get to do it for money. I gave this super cute boy a blowjob on the last day of fest, and it was so fun that I was literally jumping up and down afterwards. I've decided to start flagging black (I just realized that I can, because I really am into heavy SM) and the Canadian flag (likes Canadian tops). Word. I get more comfortable in my pervy queer skin everyday, and that's really exciting. My lack of a job is the opposite of exciting, however. I want to work. And make money. And buy groceries. And move to Brooklyn and NOT be completely broke. Things are feeling more than a little sketchy right now. I realize how much I crave stability more and more everyday, and it scares me just how unstable everything around me is right now. The thing that made it all ok for today was seeing my Punk Rock Roommate unexpectedly. We went for coffee and lunch and talked for a good while about nothing in particular. I still love her so much, but in a much less urgent way. Being with her, I understand what I saw in her because I still see it everytime we're together. She's grounded in so many ways, yet she always has wheels turning in her brain that keep her lifted off the ground. I really want to be like that someday. For sure. **twisted about** The weather that ROARED - 2005-03-01 Enabler's Rag - 2005-02-15 Where in the world? - 2005-01-14 Where have all the rude boys gone? - 2005-01-04 quickly - 2004-11-21 <-- - -->	Last Next Newest Older Rings Pictures Links Profile Guestbook Email me Notes Diaryland Hate is Great

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